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March 3, 2012
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The creature slumped in a corner of the kitchen. Sandie had told it to sit, and it could not seem to distinguish any practical difference between sitting in a chair and sitting on the floor, so it sat on the floor.

Mike kept an eye on it while Sandie paced. Somehow, it seemed even creepier now that he knew it was both a dead body and a vaguely person-shaped amp. Dead things should not be that loud.

"Okay," Sandie was saying – very loudly, since two thirds of those present were still half-deaf. "Okay, weird is not necessarily bad, but within limits, you know? That was bad. No, trust me. Attracting attention for being weird is a recipe for disaster. I mean, people can't make the same sounds as a whole band." She sighed and yanked hard on her ponytail. "It would help if you could just learn to talk…"

The thing thrummed softly.

Mike cut in. "You're going to keep it? I mean, it probably doesn't eat much, but you're going to have to take care of it somehow, and you can't take it to work, and you can't just leave it here by itself, and I sure can't look after it…"

The thing's eyes swiveled toward him when he talked. It was creepy, but also somehow more normal, like it was making an effort to seem human. Mike was not sure whether to be relieved or disconcerted by that fact. Extremely realistic, his mind said sardonically.

Sandie shrugged. "It was on its own when it showed up. I think it would probably do okay at the house. I mean, if we set some ground rules and it doesn't go outside or set the place on fire."

"We still don't know what it is! That would go a long way toward figuring out what to do with it, but we don't know."

"So? It's not like anyone else would know what to do with it, either. I don't want it getting… I dunno, dissected or anything."

The thing sat in the middle of the discussion like a sack of flour, white and smooth and bland. It glanced up at the ceiling fan, and the ceiling fan vibrated, shaking down motes of dust into Mike's eyes.

"It's creepy."

"Well… No, okay, I'll give you that one. It's creepy. But so are those hairless cats, and I wouldn't let one of them just wander around lost, either. Or get dissected."

"Cats don't get into your head and read your mind or follow you around in your dreams like some kind of psychic stalker."

"Says you."

"I'm not joking."

"We'll just see, okay? And anyway, kicking it out wouldn't get it out of my head if it's really determined to stay there. And if it really freaks you out so much, d'you think pissing it off might be a bad idea?"


Pissing it off might have been a bad idea, but taking it to work was a worse one.

"Cousin," she told Brandon brusquely as she shrugged her apron on and adjusted her name tag.

"How is your cousin white?" he wanted to know.

"Hey, now, don't be racist. He's got some problems, okay?"

"He?"

"Yeah, he. I said he's got problems, now leave 'im alone."

The cousin occupied a corner of the Joe Haus and stared out the window toward the highway, where a few thousand panicked San Antonians were hurtling toward the daily grind just a few minutes late. One split off and came hurtling toward the coffee shop, pausing for a moment to extrude Connie before shooting away again toward downtown. The cousin watched impassively.

Connie flopped artistically into the shop, dumped her purse on the counter, and spent a good fifteen seconds staring blank-faced at the thing sitting in the corner. It stared back until she flopped herself into the back to get her apron.

"Mm?" she demanded, falling short of eloquence.

"Yeah," Sandie confirmed in a whisper. "Just go with it, okay? I'm still figuring things out. 'S my 'cousin,' okay?"

"I thought it was supposed to be a dead body?"

"Yeah, well, things changed. It's still dead, by the way. Just… upright."

"¡Son chingaderas!"

"No, de verdad. Look, I'll update you later, okay? During lunch break or something. When Mike comes."

Connie popped her gum in disbelief and shook her head as she scooted out to start taking orders. Sandie scooted out after her. The shop was beginning to fill up, but a wide open space radiated out from the corner where the thing was sitting. She could hear it humming along with the ambience music, thankfully just a hum and nothing more complex. It still did not sound human, more like an electric keyboard or a particularly well-tuned kazoo, but everyone seemed to be glancing up at the speakers in the ceiling rather than over at the person-shaped amp. It was learning.

Then her attention was arrested by a business suit with a yen for iced mocha, and for the rest of the morning rush, the problem of her counterfeit cousin was pushed onto the back burner. She made a few more mochas, lots of lattes, and a hot chocolate. There were house blends, Columbian black, and a chai tea. Finally, the flood slowed to a gush, the gush to a stream, the stream to a trickle, and Sandie took a moment to grab herself a bottle of water from the back.

In a whisper, she told Connie as much as she dared, until Connie's mohawk was standing on end, and the unlit cigarette slid off of her lip.

Connie swung her head back and forth, slowly. "That's some bad juju right there. Baaaad."

"Yeah, but what's worse? Helping it out, or blowing it off?"

Connie pressed her lips together tightly and fingered the cluster of medals on their chain at her throat.

"I hear ya," Sandie said. She grabbed a second bottle of water and moved out to check for customers. What she saw was Brandon's back. He was in the corner, trying to strike up a conversation.

The thing was, to all appearances, ignoring him. It was analyzing a napkin in minute detail, poring over the café's logo with single-minded interest while Sandie's spotty manager tried to make small talk.

"My cousin's autistic," he was saying. "Well, not cousin, exactly. She's like, uh, stepdaughter of my uncle's sister-in-law's second husband. But we're all real close, so…"

The napkin tore, and the thing paused. Sandie caught a flash of surprise, then curiosity. It tore the napkin straight down the middle, completely unaware that Brandon was talking. Then it held the two halves together and thrummed.

"Oh," Brandon said. "Cool trick! I've seen that done with ropes. Never with paper. Still no idea how it's done…"

Sandie stood on tiptoe to see that the napkin was whole again, just as whole as the no-longer-rotting body that was holding it.

"Got a name?"

"John!" Sandie blurted from behind the counter. She regretted it a moment later, but the creature at least had the decency to turn its head at the sound of the name, almost as though it understood. She supposed it might have recognized itself in her thoughts.

"John Doe?" Connie hissed under her breath from just inside the back room. "Oh, Jesus…"

"He doesn't talk. I mean, you've figured that out. Like I said. Problems. His name's John."

God, why can't you just talk and be normal so I don't start blabbering like an idiot and freak out my boss…

"John," it said clearly, vibrating like the string of a violin. Its mouth did not move. "Like I said. Problems." The voice was Sandie's.
Wooo!

Chapter 1: [link]
Chapter 2: [link]
Chapter 3: [link]
Chapter 4: [link]
Chapter 5: [link]
Chapter 6: [link]
Chapter 7: [link]
Chapter 8: [link]
Chapter 9: YOU ARE HERE.
Chapter 10: [link]
Chapter 11: [link]
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:icondragonawakener:
I love it! I love it! I love it! I can't wait to read more, and I have no idea where this story will go! Nothing is obvious, yet it's not confusing in a headache causing way! I like how you are taking the time to gradually fit the thing in with Sandie's life, I like Mike's reaction, and I like it's growth. The flow is wonderful, your descriptions are great and your choice of wording is spot on! I really can not wait to read more of this. The only complaint I have so far, is the fact that I have to wait to read more!
What do you think?
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:iconixirhell:
ixirhell Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
god, this is so weird. but it's a good kind of weird! almost like... when you mix two different flavored juices then take a sip to try it and it tastes familiar but you can't exactly place it, y'know what i mean? i'm definitely digging this though. i read a zombie story a few months back where the author described how only a number of people were affected by something in the air, how it killed them suddenly and mercilessly, how they laid lifeless on the ground for days then slowly stood and regained their senses, relearned how to walk, how to see, how to hear, and lastly, how to taste. although their appetite was altered a bit, as they were zombies and now craved brains. but anyways: i love stories that describe stuff like that and don't just throw a creature in there and say "okay, it eats brains and will viciously attempt to get some!" don't get me wrong, stories like resident evil are awesome but i enjoy it more when the process is explained. it's more ...intriguing... that way :P i love John (whatever the hell It is) and your sense of humor and way of telling this story. keep up the great work!
Reply
:iconyogateacher:
YogaTeacher Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well that, my friend, was creepy. I love how you describe its sounds, the thrumming and vibrating is such great imagery.

This is a bit late since I'm a bit late reading it... The paragraph starting "the cousin occupied a corner of Joes Haus..." was sort of awkward to read, and I think some minor changes would make it smoother. The sentence with hurtling twice was a slightly convoluted sentence, is all.
Reply
:iconyogateacher:
YogaTeacher Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I also agree with all the praise and cat strangeness spewed in every other comment. That is all.
Reply
:iconcallerofcrows:
callerofcrows Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Jeez Magreez.
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2012  Professional Writer
Worth two, eh? ;D
Reply
:iconcallerofcrows:
callerofcrows Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
YES.
Reply
:iconcallerofcrows:
callerofcrows Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Jeez Magreez.
Reply
:iconcontraltissimo:
Contraltissimo Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2012
FFFFFFFFF :iconhnngplz:

WAAAAAAT?
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2012  Professional Writer
FOR REAL.
Reply
:icon914four:
914four Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"Cats don't get into your head and read your mind or follow you around in your dreams like some kind of psychic stalker."
"Says you."

That is so true, I love it! Can I steal that line?
I would write something clever and full of compliments for the author except I that I really want to read the next chapter now so please consider yourself showered with praise!
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Professional Writer
xD I suppose if you must. (It is true, though. Cats are totally telepathic. When they sit there staring at you with half-closed eyes, they're actually trying to set your head on fire.)
Reply
:iconleyghan:
leyghan Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's true. :nod:
Reply
:icon914four:
914four Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh I agree, my cats tolerate me in their home as long as I feed them and change the litter. It is rather amazing how they seem to sense our moods though. As to telepathy, while there is no scientific proof, there are some interesting anecdotes.
When we lived in Montreal, we had a cat (also a Chartreux) named Gomer Pyle who would sit in front of the door waiting for my wife to return from work. Since she was teaching, she would often come home at different hours depending on student traffic after class, but Gomer always seemed to know when she was on her way home. Shortly before she would arrive he would go to the front door and wait patiently for her to come in. After a while, I figured out that he could probably hear her car, a Volkswagen Golf diesel, from a distance and so knew when she was almost home. One day, he was sitting there and my wife didn't arrive. Eventually she called me on the phone to come and pick her up, meanwhile Gomer was still sitting patiently by the door. She had broken down about 2km from our home, and CAA was towing her car. To this day I still can't figure out how he knew.
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Professional Writer
Clearly, because cats have ESP. Enormously accurate ESP.
Reply
:icon914four:
914four Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Perhaps; I prefer that theory to the "borg" school of thought. :-)
"There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person." - Dan Greenberg
Reply
:iconxtcgm:
xtcgm Featured By Owner May 17, 2012
"Curiouser and curiouser . . ."
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner May 17, 2012  Professional Writer
^^
Reply
:iconcalleighblack:
CalleighBlack Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. It learned to talk! Okay, this is amazing and I'm almost sorry to come to the end of the chapter now.
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Professional Writer
You're too kind. >w< I plan to have the next installment up soon. :)
Reply
:iconcalleighblack:
CalleighBlack Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Nah. But I'm excited to read more.
Reply
:iconmagdalagarza:
magdalagarza Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
>>> Somehow, it seemed even creepier now that he knew it was both a dead body and a vaguely person-shaped amp.
:lol: See, this is why you have to keep on writing this. How on earth could I get my person-shaped amp fix for the day if it weren't for you?

You make a point about cats though. They are psychic stalkers who follow you around the house.

I sense so much immense hilarity to follow. Yeah, okay, Sandie, bring your not-a-zombie to work and call him Cousin John! :la:
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2012  Professional Writer
xD I'm still going. Slowly but surely.
The fact that you require a person-shaped amp fix is slightly creepy in itself.
Reply
:iconmagdalagarza:
magdalagarza Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:thumbsup: Slow but sure wins the race, amirite?

I do the creep! :dummy:
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Professional Writer
xD Oh, dear. I'm sending that to everyone I know, now...
Reply
:iconsigneandersendk:
SigneAndersenDK Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
NICE!!
John Doe.. Classic.. But gosh - her voice. Yikes.
But I love it..
Got a hunch that this John will slowly become more and more human and then BAM! - Sandie will fall in love with him..
But that's just what I'm thinking..
Post more soooooon..
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012  Professional Writer
;D I've been getting a lot of guesses. I'm still not saying, but I'm having loads of fun reading them all!
I've got Chapter 10 on my harddrive. It should be up soon. <3
Reply
:iconsigneandersendk:
SigneAndersenDK Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sounds good..
Guessing is always fun, but I do hope we'll get some concrete answers soonage ;)
Have you thought about turning it into an actual book or novel?
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2012  Professional Writer
There will be concrete answers. Sort of. xD It's in my head.
And that's the plan, yes. When complete, I anticipate it will be about 100k words.
Reply
:iconelegantfaith:
ElegantFaith Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012   Writer
This story is awesome. :)

I totally love how everyone just accepts the freakishness of the dead thing. The whole "oh yeah, it's just you're cousin" thing cracks me up. xD I love your work. :D
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Professional Writer
xD Well, I figure people are very good at ignoring weirdness. I mean, you wouldn't want to be un-PC. It's just easier to go "That's weird" than "That's impossible!" Especially when it's sitting in your coffee shop.
Reply
:iconavalon620:
Avalon620 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Student Writer
Woa..... :omfg: This thing keeps getting cooler.....
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Professional Writer
^^ Why, thank you!
Reply
:iconkay-march:
Kay-March Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012
When does this death living creature start to be devious? For now it seems innocent and dangerous? its learning...
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Professional Writer
xD Too cute for your taste? Shall I darken it up?
Reply
:iconkay-march:
Kay-March Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012
YES!!! I know you can do it just perfectly by some previous short stories or poems that I had read, it would be awesome, sure, but it's your story and you should make things happen the way your heart is telling you to.
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Professional Writer
But not everything I write is dark! Just most.
Reply
:iconkay-march:
Kay-March Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012
A dead kind of being-person walking around... not even a little bit dark?!
Please, kill me now! you're not going to make him a vampire, are you?!?
:icondragonemoteplz:
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Professional Writer
D: Are you fishing for hints?! I'LL NEVER TELL!
(But no, I have plenty of vampire characters without ruining my sweet little dead-person-amp.)
Reply
:iconkay-march:
Kay-March Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012
Thanks for that!! And no, I don't want you to kill the suspense!!
Reply
:iconhappyhorseshoe303:
happyhorseshoe303 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012
i actually have only read this one, sooo... confusing, but awesome!
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Professional Writer
I'm glad you like it!
It makes more sense if you start from the beginning. :)
Reply
:iconhappyhorseshoe303:
happyhorseshoe303 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012
yeah... things normally do. *facepalms*... my bad. **epic-fail**
Reply
:iconchoke-ice:
choke-ice Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2012  Hobbyist
Finally got around to reading this. Still enjoying the progress of the unzombie. :) By the way does it have eyeballs?
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2012  Professional Writer
It's a bit like watching a child learn, in my head. xD
Yes, it does.
Reply
:icondarkriderdlmc:
DarkRiderDLMC Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2012
I read 9 first... now I have to go read the rest. This is a great read, well - 9 was...
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks! I hope you enjoy the rest as much!
Reply
:iconindigowish:
IndigoWish Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2012
So it's a creepy dead alien named John? Dude.
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2012  Professional Writer
xD Yar!
Reply
:iconhazyconfessions:
HazyConfessions Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2012
eeeee, so happy to see an update!

John is gonna get her into trouble again XD
Reply
:iconquiestinliteris:
QuiEstInLiteris Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2012  Professional Writer
xD Yep, probably.
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